Back to normal

So life is pretty much back to normal these days: Hubby's tongue has
healed completely; I'm working hard in the lab as deadlines rapidly
approach... We didn't get the T-R01 that I had mentioned a while
back, so funding continues to be precarious. I would be significantly
more upset by that news (utterly crushed, really) if we were still
planning on having a baby as soon as the funding comes through. As it
stands now, with nothing more than reliable funding for my project at
stake, my reaction was pretty much just "eh, yeah, it was a long shot,
oh well." Of course, that's not to say I'm not still sad about not
being able to have a baby yet...the pain is just less acute, more of a
dull ache of longing. It's hard seeing so many of my peers (4
cousins, 1 old friend, and several acquaintances, not fellow grad
students) having babies and knowing I have a few years to go before
it's my turn. You know, I think I'm going to go back to that
half-written "moving forward" post and finish it off. Maybe that will
make me feel better.

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Whew!

Crisis averted: the biopsy came back normal! Hubby is cancer free,
but still doesn't believe the doc that he's just chewing on his tongue
in his sleep. Whatever. I don't care what it is as long as it's not
life-threatening. I've slept much better since we heard the news. So
now I'm back to moving forward with my life and my thesis project.
Too bad I missed the deadline for the June Scientiae. <Shrug>

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Terrified

I started writing a "moving forward" post for the june scientiae a
couple weeks ago. It was getting really long because I was venting
all about how heartbroken I had been about not getting to have a baby
yet, but then I was going to say how I had pretty much snapped myself
out of it. I was coming to terms with reality and "moving forward"
with my life by refocusing on my thesis project so I could finish
sooner.

I never finished the post.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband found a suspicious white patch on
his tongue. It didn't respond to antivirals, so he had it biopsied.
They apparently removed whatever was visible, but it's already coming
back, both around the biopsy scar and on the other side of his tongue.
We're going to the follow-up appointment tomorrow morning to hear the
news. We're both scared shitless.

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